2005

Going through my old files I found something.  I don't remember who wrote it, but I guess I saved it because I hoped it was written for me.  I must have had good reason to think that, or I wouldn't have saved it.  I know we don't talk anymore, but I hope you're doing well, whoever you are.  I hope I had a positive impact on your life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After all these years.. i think, and then, look behind.. i realize, who's the best and who are the people i called the "true-friends" out there... We go through life and there are a lot of people who hang out with us. Do you ever have a feeling? it always feels like there's something missing.. Does it feel like they kinda leave you out sometimes, even when you're with them? Or you just got a feeling that they're abandon you or you want to advoid/run away from them sometimes?

You can have many friends but still feel lonely. If you tell people that you're lonely, they will all tell you the same thing. They'll say "You have lots of friends!" and "go find a girlfriend/boyfriend.." none of them understand.. they'll all say that, really quicly too.. because, nobody wants to understand.. they just want to solve the problem and move on.

Sometimes i would just like someone who tell me they're willing to try to understand me... i don't need the problem solved. i'd like someone who would willing to go through things with me.. not to comment on me and my desicions, and not just wants to solve everything with a sentence to tell you not to worry.

>>> it's like your problem is a burden to them.. <<<

it would be nice to find someone who could just listen...

p.s. thanks for being my star to guide me through.   im thankful to know, after all these year.. you are still here even the physical distance is too far between you and I.

Thank you my dear friend!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit: Actually I think I know who wrote it as I found something else also written by her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, I finally got a suprise letter from one of my old high-school friends! He's so sweeet.. when I read the page long letter he gave me, I cried. I just couldn't believe, after all these years.. he's still there for mee.. even though I am always busy and couldn't make time for him. I haven't seen him for like a year or maybe longer.. I feel dumb myself coz I never put enough affort on being a good friend to him (at least that how I feel).... but he still thanks me.  GOD!! i miss him so much now.. He's a good guy, good friend, sweet, funny, caring and good listener!

Thanks for the necklace!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're welcome 😃 I hope you still have it.  You're married now and don't really have time for me anymore.  The last few times I tried to arrange a hang out it never worked out, but that's life sometimes.  Be well.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Favorite Sound & Smell

My second most favorite sound is the steady pat pat pat of rain drops crashing into the earth. The rain can't be too heavy or too light, it has to be just right, and it must maintain consistency. My favorite sound is nothing. Late at night when you go outside and there are no cars, no people, nothing man-made running and all you hear is the sound of nothing. Time stops for me for whatever reason when I hear nothing and I love it.  Right now there's not a sound going on outside my apartment and it's music to my ears. My favorite smell is the aroma of morning. It reminds me of getting up and waiting for the school bus in my elementary school days. There is also just something about the morning smell that smells so good. There is probably a scientific answer as to what it is, but I'm not sure of what it is. It's unfortunate that I am not a morning person.
Read more

End it Please

So it's still going with Toronto girl. Today marks exactly 2 months since we matched on Facebook dating. She continues to ignore any message that is even slighty flirtatious. When she does find a topic she wants to talk about then she'll reply with meaninginful messages, but if the topic I bring up isn't that exciting she'll straight up just ignore me. I wish I had more self respect so I could just end this myself, but I don't, so I can't. This is all I have and if it ends I'll go back to having nothing. I hate myself for letting myself be strung along like this. I hate myself for being so undesirable. I hate myself for not being able to connect with people. It seems like she is trying to get me to be bored and just let our conversation slow fade. I am not going to let that happen though! I am tired of this slow fade, ghosting, whatever else shit. Just come out and say you're not feeling it. I don't know why she continues to let this drag ...
Read more

It Goes On

 These blog posts never seem to change in tone. I'm on some meds and in a boot for my feet issue.  I don't think it's working as my feet still hurt and I see no real improvement.  I am going to try more stuff, but I wonder if hurt feet is just my reality from now on. Over the last month or so I got 3 matches on Facebook dating.  They all live in Seattle with me in Vancouver.  One was 4.5 hours away, the other was 3, the other a little over 2.  The 3 hour away one fizzled for seemingly no reason after she seemed fine to have a date just that weekend.  The 4.5 hour away one fizzled after figuring out how far away I was.  She never looked at my profile and figured it out??  I was still willing to try too.  Over a month later I'm still talking to the 2 hour one, but it feels like if I don't say interesting things she'll take days to reply.  I feel no real interest coming from her and it's just a matter of time before I get blocked....
Read more