Myself

A conversation I had with a co-worker when I was 35:

Her: So what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Seeing a friend.
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Probably just grabbing a drink.
Her: Not doing anything else?
Me: Probably not.
Her: Dustin you're so secretive
Me: ...Am I?

Not on purpose, but this conversation made me realize that I don't let people in to meet me.  I never talk about what I'm doing and if I do it's very to the point, devoid of feelings or personality.  I never talk about how I feel or my dreams or my regrets.  I wonder if this is why I don't have many friends left, or why even with the dates I get, no one wants to meet up a second time.

I have no real secrets to tell people.  My friend revealed a very personal secret to me just a few weeks ago, but I had nothing to offer in return.  I felt absolutely terrible.  I almost wish something had happened to me earlier so I would have something to share.  I know that sounds bad.  I don't know how to get closer to people.  It's difficult talking to people because my social skills are so bad.  I never know what to say in the moment.

I'm going to try and make an effort to improve.  Maybe Youtube videos are a good place to start.  I want to get better.

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