Regrets

"If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing."

I always believed this phrase was so stupid because it downplayed the regrets that one had.  Regrets aren't a bad thing, they are very natural as we don't always make the optimal choices and realizing that and wishing we could have done better is what makes us stronger as a person.

I'm listing my regrets so I remember and learn.  In no order:

  1. I wish I wouldn't have interrupted Alicia when she said something to me in the 4th or 5th grade.  I wonder what she was going to say.  Why do I even remember this haha
  2. I wish I wouldn't have swiped angrily at my cat Bart when he wouldn't come out from hiding.  I wonder if that's what scared him away.  I'm too scared to get angry at people because I feel they will go away from me because of this.
  3. I wish I would have asked Helen or Hannah out in high school.  I doubt they would have said yes but I should have tried anyway.
  4. I wish I would have talked to those girls in college when I was sitting at the same table as them and they said 2 guys wouldn't make good parents.  I don't care about the gay argument, I care more that there was an opening to talk and maybe make some friends but I didn't.
  5. I regret most my time in Taiwan.  I didn't try hard enough.  I know why but I should have tried harder.
  6. I wish I asked Grace out when she was going to PSU.
  7. I wish I would have helped out my parents more when I was younger.
  8. I wish I would have listened to my mom talk instead of focusing on my video games when she came in to my room.
  9. I wish I would have studied something more useful than psychology in college.
  10. I wish I had tried harder to make friends in college.
  11. I wish I had been a little more serious around Hiroko.
  12. I wish I would have stood up for myself a bit more and walked out of JJ North's when they erased my name off the schedule and pretended like they didn't.
  13. I wish I would have explored Korea a bit more while I was living there.
  14. I wish I would have talked to that girl that tried to talk to me at the soc hop in high school.
  15. I wish I would have reached out more to my friend when his brother committed suicide in our 5th grade.
There are definitely more, I'll come back here when I think of them.

I think regrets are one of the roots of strength.  They are mistakes you try hard not to make again.  I'm glad I have them, even as I wish so much that I could play them all over again.  Where would I be if I could?  Time to go take a shower and replay conversations I could have said things better in haha.  Is there anyone who doesn't do this?

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