Blueberry Pancakes

 It's been over half a year since I've had shoes that fit.  The new kinds with the memory foam have too much memory foam in them and they kill my feet.  I'm not sure where to go or what to do now.  Nothing fits.  My feet are killing me. Online dating is no different.  A girl messaged me, then 2 messages later disabled her account.  Just wondering when I can get this 10 lb. weight off my shoulders. I went to a Japanese language exchange but no one really enjoyed talking to me that much.  My social awkwardness is why I haven't made any long lasting friends I can hang out with since high school.  At this rate I'll be all alone soon. I go to work. I come home.  I play video games.  Go to work the next day.  The years just pass insignificantly.  What am I even doing right now?  I don't enjoy anything I do.

Going through my old files I found something.  I don't remember who wrote it, but I guess I saved it because I hoped it was written for me.  I must have had good reason to think that, or I wouldn't have saved it.  I know we don't talk anymore, but I hope you're doing well, whoever you are.  I hope I had a positive impact on your life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After all these years.. i think, and then, look behind.. i realize, who's the best and who are the people i called the "true-friends" out there... We go through life and there are a lot of people who hang out with us. Do you ever have a feeling? it always feels like there's something missing.. Does it feel like they kinda leave you out sometimes, even when you're with them? Or you just got a feeling that they're abandon you or you want to advoid/run away from them sometimes? You can have many friends but still feel lonel...

I feel like a broken record whenever I make a post on here because it's always about the same thing. Dating life has been crappy as usual.  Even my dreams have been cruel to me.  The majority of my dreams are about a girl who likes me.  Things start going well, and then I wake up. A few years ago, I had a friend tell me that he believed he and I would be single for the rest of our lives. He told me this as it had been a good year or two since he had a girlfriend. I told him that would not be true for him but I'm pretty sure I would be for me. Fast forward two years later and he has an awesome girlfriend of course.  I like myself, I'm just sad that no one else seems to. I have to stick around because my parents would be devastated if I didn't, but once they are gone, if I am still single, I will probably start eating a bunch of food that I enjoy instead of watching my cholesterol. I will start enjoying a lot more whiskey and other such beverages. Basically, an attempt...

  A nice conversation I had There is a cycle where every couple of months either one of two things happen. I either feel so very desperate or I feel a little bit of confidence. Either way, I get inspired to once again try online dating despite the fact that whenever I do try it, it is the most soul crushing and depressing thing that I have ever done in my life. No exaggeration. So this month I spent around $500 signing up to online dating sites again. Amazingly, I actually got a few of the girls I messaged to reply to me. I got one date where she immediately unmatched afterwards and currently I'm talking to two girls who don't seem all that interested in me. All in all, online dating has once again been a failure, but what can I really do. I have narrowed down the reasons I am still single to a couple of things. One, just to get it out of the way, I am not attractive. I also have very poor social skills and even worse romantic skills. This makes it basically impossible to form ...

It's official! I now own my very first house. Because it was an investment house, so many different types of money were not able to be used according to the bank. It was such a hassle to try and get this home, but it's mine now. People have already moved in. There already seems to be a problem with the dryer, but such is the life of a landlord. So many times I wasn't sure that I would actually get this house. The bank just kept denying everything I tried, but eventually it went through. In large part thanks to the help of my parents and my employer. I will be thanking them separately when I figure out how. It's a pretty nice home for not really having much choice. Financially, I feel like I am on the right track now finally. Not exactly where I want to be 100%, but I'm getting there. Below is a picture of the fillet mignon dinner I had for celebration the day after I got the keys. I got the second shot of the vaccine and while it gave me some cold and hot flashes du...

I got the first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine from Phizer.  I will get the second dose on the 23rd.  Hoping I'm not part of the 5% it doesn’t work on so I can largely be done with this virus.  Before the virus hit, I used to go to a movie and a restaurant on the weekend.  I miss those days. I'm currently trying to buy a house as an investment property.  My company's clients would be the first tenants.  It's costing all of my savings and a loan from my company, but I think it will be worth it in the end.  The housing market is so insane right now that houses are going on sale and being sold a day or two later often for over the asking price. I saw a secret on PostSecret today that said “When you're not hot, everyone tells you that being a good person is enough, that someone will love you for who you are. It's the cruelest lie I have ever been told.”  That sounds like my secret and my truth.  Everyone is quick to tell you what a good person you ...

Today I was on Facebook and saw a comment on a friend’s post from someone I used to know in elementary school. That got me searching for other people that I remembered from elementary school. I didn't add or message any of them, but I did look on their pages to see how they were doing. Most seem to be doing OK which made me smile. It seems that when nothing exciting is happening in my life I like to look at the past and the good memories that come with it. Not that the past was perfect or anything, but just being able to remember the fun memories makes it a good rabbit hole to go down. Merry Christmas! I didn't do anything special, just went to my parents’ place for dinner and presents. Due to covid we couldn't really get together with anyone else, but it was nice just to see my parents. They cooked a delicious dinner and their presents to me were awesome.  Somehow they have managed to bring in an entire duck colony to feed. There is anywhere up to 50 ducks at a time. Wildl...