Blueberry Pancakes

Parasite is a great movie.  I'm really glad Korean cinema is starting to gain traction in America.  They make a lot of great movies over there and it's been Asia's secret that America is just now starting to discover. I used to go to the movie theater alone.  I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do have are often busy, so I go by myself.  Lately I can't do that.  It feels weird not being able to go places even though I didn't get out much.  I wonder how long it'll last.  I like going out to see movies.  It's overly expensive but the atmosphere and big screen is what you're paying for.  I hope one day I can bring my girlfriend. What is your most attractive feature?  I was watching a movie that asked that and I'm not sure about mine.  Never having a real relationship or girls that were really interested in me, I've never had the chance to find out.  I think it might be my sense of humor, but I don't know.  Maybe ...

If I buy ice cream I usually just have one bowl.  Tonight I decided to have a second bowl.  There are times in life where you just have to give in to being fat!  It's ok, these things happen sometimes.  I am proud of myself for having the willpower to resist a 3rd bowl.  I really wanted to, you know! I used to take walks around my place.  There's some nice places around.  I started again since you can't really go anywhere.  Here's a video of the place I like to walk I finished watching a kind of short TV series where the main character was hiding the fact that she likes death metal music from everyone.  That was her release though, liking death metal music was who she really was.  I wonder what parts of their personality people are hiding from everyone.  I tried to think about what I'm hiding and maybe it's just that I like being more quiet.  Actually I'm pretty quiet usually, but I joke around a lot.  I'm more calm ...

The CDC (Center for Disease Control & Prevention) recently recommended that people start wearing masks out in public.  Since I started wearing one I'm surprised at how much more calm I feel wearing it.  Not because I think it'll keep me safe from the Corona virus though, I know it won't.  It's because it covers a lot of my face.  My face is the ugliest part about me unfortunately but covering it up gives me more confidence.  I kind of wish I could just always wear this thing. When my friend Grace came over in January I bought her some body wash and shampoo she could use.  Now my stuff has run out so I've been using her stuff.  Women's stuff is so nice to use.  Men's body wash just smells like some manly thing but women have all this different stuff theirs smells like.  Now after every shower I smell like coconuts and it's awesome.  Maybe I just switch over to using women's body wash from now on?  Why can't men have cool body w...

So much time at home has given me the perfect opportunity to start on a project I've wanted to do for some years now.  When someone is dying of a disease, they have the chance to record videos and audio samples,  write letters and leave gifts behind.  When you die of something like a car accident, you don't get that opportunity.  In case I die early, I wanted to leave things behind for my family and friends. I've already recorded videos saying goodbye to everyone I'm close with in my life.  I've already written (typed) them letters saying additional things.  Maybe I'll find pictures and put them on the flash drives I've made for everyone.  To whoever ends up finding the stash, they'll find my Facebook login so hopefully they can post one last status update.  It would be very unfortunate if I died in a house fire at my place haha! It's weird saying goodbye to people when I'm not really close to death.  I rewatched some of the videos and I'...

Hi Grace :) Over the past few months Covid-19 has infected people with the Corona Virus.  It's just a virus, but people have cleaned out the stores of toilet paper, ramen, hand sanitizers and other cleaning supplies, milk, eggs, rice, canned vegetables, and who knows what else.  There is no drought or shortage of anything so the hoarding is unnecessary.  Seems a little silly but people are panicking.  All entertainment places have been shut down and restaurants are take-out and delivery only now.  The virus seems to largely be affecting the elderly and those with compromised immune systems.  Hope I don't die! My work started letting (making) us work from home though so that's been nice.  I lose track of the days since I'm at home a lot now.  I was looking at things to do on Meetup as I figured I should try to get out more and meet people, but that's been put on hold for a bit.  The food bank I'm trying to volunteer at never messaged me ba...

I've always felt like something has been missing in my life for the past who knows how many years.  I feel empty. I think despite having hobbies I'm missing purpose.  I want something to work towards that's bigger than myself, but I have no idea what that might be.  If I find it and have a way to work towards it I'll feel more complete I think.  I'm selfish, I can't join a purpose, I have to lead it.  My self confidence in that is... What could it be that I'm searching for?  Am I going to find it before it's too late?  Is there a too late? To be honest I'm also not sure if I'm just confusing missing purpose and being lonely.  You can't tell girls these things either because no one wants to date that haha.  I think working towards something would be good though.  If I keep up the search I think I'll find it eventually.  Who knows, maybe I've already found it.

"If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing." I always believed this phrase was so stupid because it downplayed the regrets that one had.  Regrets aren't a bad thing, they are very natural as we don't always make the optimal choices and realizing that and wishing we could have done better is what makes us stronger as a person. I'm listing my regrets so I remember and learn.  In no order: I wish I wouldn't have interrupted Alicia when she said something to me in the 4th or 5th grade.  I wonder what she was going to say.  Why do I even remember this haha I wish I wouldn't have swiped angrily at my cat Bart when he wouldn't come out from hiding.  I wonder if that's what scared him away.  I'm too scared to get angry at people because I feel they will go away from me because of this. I wish I would have asked Helen or Hannah out in high school.  I doubt they would have said yes but I should have tried anyway. I wish I wo...